ANOTHER DEATH... DAMN....

I was supposed to go out Sunday night with some friends to celebrate another friends Birthday. I couldn't go, because I had the flu and there was no way I was going anywhere. Shit's crazy, cuz normally I don't get sick and if I do... It's a minor thing and I'll keep it pushin'. This flu thing... Kicked my ass and even though I wanted to roll... There was no way.

I hadn't heard from anyone since that night... They called to rub it in that they were out having fun and I was stuck in park. Funny. It's now Tuesday morning and I get a call from a homie that went out. I prepped to get clowned and thought of some well thought out, witty comebacks for whatever popped out this dudes mouth... You know how we do it! What I got was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from what I expected. Long story short... One of my friends got killed in an accident that night coming home from the celebration. I don't have all the details, but shit is fucked up. A young dude in his mid 20's with a fam. A good dude. What a trip, right? You get together to celebrate a life born and end up mourning a life lost.

I clicked end on the celly, but my mind kept going. I thought about my homie, his fam, my other friends, kids, my kids, my fam, life, death, etc. In my short term here, thus far... I've seen my fair share of death and have lost both family and friends. I'm a street dude. You know what goes down in the streets and death lurks around every corner. It's unavoidable, even if you're not directly involved in anything negative. That's just the way shit is. Thinking about all this and going through my memory banks of how many times I've personally brushed up against death and won really tripped me out. I mean, I'm not going to lie... There's been too many times where I shouldn't have made it. One time my truck took over 40 bullets doing 90 on the 10 freeway. I only took glass in the neck & head and the homey had his life saved by a seat belt. Bullets penetrated the exterior, entered the truck and hit my seat belt, which yanked me back, so the other bullets missed my head... Those same bullets that hit my seat belt pushed and hit my homie in the backseat in the knee. The bullets didn't penetrate the seat belt, therefore saving my homie's knee. He just got a chipped bone from a .40 cal slug. We ended up off the freeway and crashed due to the tires being shot out. Tell me this... I was driving, had a female sitting shotty, the homie directly in back of me and his girl to his right. Over 40 slugs! Why are we not dead? That's just one example of many...

Although it took many events like this, all the close calls took a toll and really got me thinking and questioning why I survived and others didn't. It also made me think of all the friends I lost or said something out of anger that I didn't mean and then lost them.... Petty shit. I thought about all the people effected by death. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends... The pain and hurt runs so deep that it forever leaves internal scars on one's soul. After enough of those soul staining scars one has to make some changes. You either go off the deep end, go numb, or do something positive and keep it moving. It took a long time to realize that the way I was living was wrong and I changed. I changed for my myself, my fam and my kids.

Now I'm wondering... Why me? Don't get me wrong... I feel blessed to be here and I have truly been blessed with a great fam with a solid foundation, but I still question why did the good dude have to end his trip early? Why did the single mom or dad get killed and leave behind their children? Why do parents have to outlive their children? Why did that stray bullet murk and innocent person. Why did the drunk driver kill an entire family on their way to Thanksgiving dinner and not some murderous person? Why did that little boy collapse on the basketball court? Why did that little girl collapse on the softball field? I mean, I could go on and on as I'm sure we all could...

I dunno bout all that... But, I do know for myself, I want to look at the bigger picture. I don't want to be sorry for things I said or didn't say. I don't want to be sorry for my poor judgment. I don't want to regret being a bad friend, son, father, cousin, uncle, human. I'm going to try my best to be the man God wants me to be.

So, for all you who are reading this... I appreciate you. I appreciate your time. I appreciate your existence. To all my homies... You know I keep a tight circle. I got mad love for you and your fam. Your kids are my kids. Your happiness is my happiness. I'm here for you and I got your backs 110%. Know this... We may not talk every day or even every week, but I got you. Even when we don't see eye to eye... I got you. That's the true test, right? Real homies can have different opinions, but we stay true and we stay loyal.

Someone told me a long time ago, "Friends are family that we choose". That hit home in a big way. We all have choices. Let's think before we act or speak. Let's make a choice to live positively; choose to be around positive people and leave no room for regrets. Life is too short for all the petty shit.

Doug - You're going to be missed my brother. You are in my prayers and I know you're back home & safe. Tell Disco I said sup and I'm keeping this pushin' for him. Much, much love homie...

ONE LOVE -

Flawless